Fostering

I haven't shared much about our experience as a foster family, even though I believe it is important to do so. Part of the difficulty is in respecting the privacy of the children we fostered, as well as that of their families, while at the same time being honest and not sugar-coating. Hopefully, this shines a little light on our experience, and if you'd like to know more, or have any questions about how you could help the fostering community, please reach out. 

Even before we got married, Papi and I talked about the idea of becoming foster parents. The idea of children being apart from their families weighed heavy on our hearts, and we wanted to help in any way we could. As things go, time passes quickly, and life gets busy. God blessed us with 4 amazing children, and our family life was crazy and wonderful. One or the other of us would bring up the idea of fostering every once in awhile, but the timing was never quite right.

The summer JL turned 4, I read a blog post by a young lady I babysat for when I was in high school and college. It was about how as Christians, our life should be dedicated to God and others, and how that's often not an easy, comfortable way to live, but that it is good. At least, that's how I remember it. Then, about a week later, our church had a guest speaker, and the message was about the same topic - living for God is a grand adventure, and adventure shouldn't always be "comfortable." 

So then I began to think about fostering again, and after praying about it for a week or so, I mentioned it to Papi. He had begun to consider becoming a foster family around the same time. He hadn't read the blog post, and the guest speaker's message didn't affect him the same, but he felt like it was the right time. So we decided to look into it. 

We spoke with my friend C, who not only has fostered and adopted, but also has years of experience working in social services. She said that in our part of the state there were no Spanish speaking foster families. So any kids who came into care, and spoke Spanish, would either be placed in English speaking homes or sent hours away to foster homes in the city. That made Papi and I more determined to become foster parents. The idea of kids being removed from their families (even for very valid reasons) and then placed with strangers who didn't even speak their language, was just appalling. 

The process was intense, time consuming, and stressful. From the first phone call with an agency, to receiving our license, took about 9 months. The training was insufficient, to say the least, and the videos about abuse were traumatic. (I gained 12 lb during that time, mostly from eating peanut M&Ms while watching all the required training videos.)

Originally, we thought we would foster only infants and toddlers. JL was only 4, and we wanted to stay younger than her. God had other plans though. We did respite care a few times for A, a sweet 1 year old boy, and then one weekend for a 5 year old boy, N. (Respite care is when you watch the child for 2 weeks or less, often when they are between foster homes, or when the foster parents need overnight care for the child. Examples would be a vacation they bought tickets for before the child was placed with them, a wedding that's out of state, attending a training conference, etc.)

Before N even arrived for the weekend, the social worker called to ask if he could move in with us. We prayed about it, and agreed. Then the social worker decided to let him finish the semester at his school, and he moved in on December 23rd. N stayed with us for 6 months, during which time we had the privilege of coordinating his transition to his adoptive family.

Those 6 months were amazing and extremely stressful. We had the two weeks of Christmas break to get to know each other, which was perfect. We had so many special moments, and quite a few traumatic ones. The first day at his new school, N didn't come home on the bus. I was so scared, and called the school and the bus company, asking them where my son was. It ends up that he had fallen asleep, and the bus driver brought him home over an hour later, after the route. The evenings after family visits were very rough, as N was so young, and he didn't have the vocabulary or social-emotional skills to deal with the trauma the visits caused him. Other times were just lovely though, with Papi and N cuddled on the sofa reading together; JL and N holding hands in Sunday school; and N looking up to JMC and JT as his new older brothers. I am also incredibly blessed that N's adoptive mom chose to maintain a relationship with me. We have become friends, and she has helped me navigate the world of fostering as well as adoption. 

 

A few months after N transitioned to his adoptive family, A moved in with her two children, C and K. A was 18, and her children were 23 months and 6 months. They lived with us for 11 months, and that time was challenging in ways I never would have expected. Instead of helping a young mom learn to parent her children, we found that we were parenting a teen girl and co-parenting her children. Again, there were beautiful moments and difficult ones. I am so grateful that we were able to celebrate each of their birthdays, and all of the holidays with them while they were here. In the future, I would love to have more opportunities to help young moms, but not until our own children are grown. I continue to pray for them, that they each know they are valued and loved. 

Two months after they moved out, we received a call asking if we would accept placement of a 3 year old little girl diagnosed with failure to thrive. This is a diagnosis that we'd dealt with before, as each of our kiddos has been small, especially before we learned about our family's food intolerances. Papi agreed, and we accepted placement. 

I'll have to write another post about Little One, as her story with our family continues, and there's too much to fit here. 

We are no longer a foster family, as we have met the maximum number of children the state allows in a foster home. In addition, we don't want to be in a position of not being able to care for our children in the way we believe is best, and more children would just be too much, with appointments, activities, school, etc. We continue to pray for those involved in foster care in any capapcity - the children, their foster and biological families, and the social workers trying to help all of them. 

If you have any interest at all in learning how you can support the fostering community, look into The Forgotten Initiative. They work with churches to support and love the fostering community. Or feel free to ask me; I'll do my best to answer questions or help connect you with the right person or organization.

Tonsils aren't so Important

Warning! Long post ahead. I found so many parents had forgotten the details of their child having a tonsillectomy, that I decided to record everything.

 JMC has had large tonsils for as long as I can remember. At least, compared to his older siblings' tonsils, they appeared exceptionally large. When he was 3 years old, the pediatrician checked them at our request, and said they are large, but that it isn't a problem unless they get infected or cause sleeping problems.

Fast forward to this past winter. JMC (along with his siblings) had his first ear infection ever, and shortly after that, he began to snore. A few months later, the snoring got worse, and we also noticed some bouts of sleep apnea. So, off to the doctor again, and this time he was referred to an ENT. (He had a white film on his tonsils, and when the nurse performed the strep check, the giant Q-tip got caught for a second in between his tonsils!)

The ENT visit was interesting. First, there were a bunch of questions by a nurse. She declared that just by hearing his voice, she could tell he needed to have his tonsils removed. She took a picture of JMC for their files (at first he opened his mouth wide for the picture, thinking she wanted a picture of his tonsils!) Then the physician's assistant came in, gave JMC a check over and said it was definite; he would need tonsils and adenoids out. After his assistant, the doctor came in. He also checked JMC's throat, ears, and lymph nodes in the neck, and said it was certain that the tonsils and adenoids should come out, and sooner than later, since they were causing sleep apnea. (And the white film was actually food particles that were getting trapped there!)

JMC wanted to ensure that he would be fully recovered before summer was in full swing (mainly, before the pool opens) so we scheduled his surgery for May 11th. They sent us home with a lot of information, including a comic book in the style of the Magic School Bus to explain to JMC exactly what was going to happen during and after surgery. That comic book helped a lot!

In preparation, we tried to make as many sorbets and dairy free ice creams as possible, in all sorts of flavors - mango, blueberry, strawberry, vanilla. Papi made vanilla pudding, JA made white grape gelatin, and JT made vanilla custard. We also made pear sauce, applesauce, and pureed vegetables (carrot, sweet potato, and butternut squash.) They said it was common for children to lose weight during recovery, and I wanted to do everything possible to prevent that if I could. It ended up that we had over prepared, but there was no way to know that before hand.

The night before JMC's surgery, we prayed over him as a family. We would be leaving so early in the morning, I wasn't sure if the other kids would be awake, and I knew they wanted the opportunity to pray for him. It was so sweet hearing their concern for their brother, especially from JL, who's only 3 years old. JMC prayed, too, that all would go well, and that  it wouldn't hurt too bad. (Grandma blessed us with a visit so she could watch JA, JT, & JL, while Papi & I went with JMC.)

All smiles

The morning of the surgery, everything went smoothly. We arrived on time, and I was more nervous than JMC. We they called us back to see him in the recovery room, I was shocked to find that he was in pain. I had thought he'd be loopy from pain meds, but instead, he had just received his first dose of medication, and it hadn't kicked in yet. :(  He was crying quietly, and looked up at us with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. I crawled into bed with him (partly because there was only 1 chair in the room, and partly so I could hug him and pray over him). This was the most difficult half hour of the entire recovery. He was in pain, and there was nothing I could do to help. I prayed over him, hugged him, and let him squeeze my hand. He drank several small sips of water, and asked for a green popsicle (which he didn't eat) and mostly just cried, until he fell asleep. (I later realized that they need to be sure the child comes out of the anesthesia and is breathing fine before they can give a pain medication. Makes sense. In the moment, though, I just felt awful for my little boy.)

Luigi (baby snow leopard) received a red magic glove, too.

Holding my hand :) 

We stayed in the recovery center for 3 hours, due to the extra precautions taken with children after anesthesia. During that time, JMC mostly slept. He woke up several times for quick sips of water, and a few times to use the bathroom (he received 2 bags of IV fluids while there,) but he mostly just slept. Papi left for awhile to drop off the prescription for pain medication, and was back in plenty of time before we were released.

He asked for this picture, to show he made it through the surgery. We had just got home at this point.

When we got home, JMC went downstairs to watch a movie with his siblings! He ate a fruit puree popsicle, and relaxed. After the movie, we had him go upstairs to take a nap. We had set up a cot in our room for him, and I'm so glad we did. He slept on and off, waking up every 4 hours for his pain medications. He slept an hour past medicine time once and was in nearly as much pain as just after surgery, so we didn't let that happen again. Most nights for the first week, he would wake up on his own when it was time for medicine.

On a cot in Mami & Papi's room, resting until the medication kicks in.

For the first week, JMC didn't talk much at all, and even invented a type of sign language to communicate. He talked the most when playing board games with Papi and JT. :) His favorite drink was apple juice, and he mostly ate dairy free yogurt and vanilla ice cream (an equal mix of homemade and store bought.)

Playing "Monopoly Deal" with JT & Papi was a good distraction.

Note the styrofoam cup & straw filled with apple juice & a popsicle wrapped in a napkin in the glass. He had to take a sip of juice or bite of popsicle after each turn as a way to encourage him to stay hydrated.

The first 3 or 4 days were about the same, and then things improved, which is when JMC asked to stop the prescription pain medication and stick with over the counter options. Then, there was a dramatic decline on day 7. That is when we had to give the prescription med again at night for 2 nights, and keep up with the over the counter medicine during the day. By day 8 though, he was better, began asking to eat more foods, and began talking again. By day 10 he had stopped all medications completely. JMC kept asking when his 2 week check up would be, and took that appointment as a sign of being completely healed.

Each day for the first 6 days or so, JMC received a get well card; from family members, friends, and even the staff at our church. These cards cheered him up, and it encouraged him to know that others were thinking of and praying for him while he recovered.

I just missed Luci sitting nicely and letting JMC pet her.

We recently had the 2 week check up, and everything was great. The doctor did say JMC would probably have pain when coughing for up to another month or so, so we need to try and keep him healthy (makes me thankful we did this is the spring, rather than the winter!) His sleep apnea has improved, and snoring has basically stopped. The snoring did take awhile to go away, simply because he was swollen for the first week or so. Now that the doctor has given the all-clear, JMC has returned to his room, and is back to his cheerful, talkative, playful, self. :)

Mami reading the first Harry Potter book to JMC for the first time. He can't wait til we're through the book and he gets to watch the movie with his older siblings. JT is pretty excited about that, too. :)

After about 5 days, he decided he wanted pancakes, and then proceeded to make himself a peanut butter pancake sandwich

A smile!

Playing with Luci

The night JMC received the all-clear from the surgeon, we celebrated by going to a local frozen yogurt place.

JT's 10!

JT turned 10 years old today, and I'm not really sure how I feel about it. He's grown up and matured so much, I'm not taken by surprise at all. At the same time, though, time is just flying by.

What does a 10 year old boy want for his birthday? Birthday pancakes, pizza (not a common thing when you're gluten and dairy free), and spaghetti. He thought he wouldn't get a cake since he'll have one at his party, so he asked for cookies. I made him root beer flavored cupcakes as a surprise. ☺

The kids were excited to choose gifts, and it was so neat to hear their thoughts on what he would like.

Apart from the food, JT also requested a family game day. So we played a couple board games, a game of kickball with the new bases JMC gifted him, and a bunch of Mario kart on the Wii. JT also went to his viola class, and requested a last minute trip to the library. 😀 What a fun, yet low-key day!

Bacon pancakes were another surprise.

I think JT looks like his cousin, ACS, here.

We didn't get to the Easter eggs until after dinner tonight! JT didn't mind.

Wisconsin Dell's

Last year, our children decided to put their Christmas money together and use it for something that would be fun for the whole family. Their first idea was to install a DVD player in our minivan. Well, after a few phone calls, we discovered that the cost would be more than $2,000, much more than their combined Christmas money, even if Juan & I matched their contribution. And, the kids agreed that having a DVD player in the van wasn't worth that much anyway.

The next idea was to stay at Grand Bear Lodge in Utica, IL. Some friends had invited us to stay with them in the spring, and we all had a great time. Well, their money would get us 1 night in a regular hotel room, with 1 day at the indoor water park. With our friends, we had stayed in a vacation villa, and enjoyed the water park and adventure center, so the comparison wasn't good enough for the kids.

Papi and I were proud (and a bit surprised) at the kids' desire to wait for the right opportunity to spend their money. There were a few times throughout the year that one or another would consider pulling their portion for a more immediate purchase, but they ended up being patient and waiting.

This fall, I saw a post in one of the local home school groups on FB that someone had a timeshare at Wisconsin Dell's to rent out. The cost was just less than our children's saved Christmas money. So, first Papi checked to see if he could get the time off work. Once his time off was confirmed, we checked, and the timeshare was still available. So, then we talked with the kids. They all agreed that a 2 bedroom, 2 bath, apartment, with a kitchen and living room, plus 3 indoor water parks, for 4 days/3 nights was definitely worth their Christmas money. So, nearly a full year after they received these gifts of money, we enjoyed a wonderful family vacation.

Of course, there were a few hiccups along the way, just to make things interesting. JL got pink eye the weekend before our trip. Took her in to the pediatrician Monday morning while Papi packed the van, and the doctor said she not only had double pink eye (an uncommon, though not concerning version of it, at that) but she also had a double ear infection. So, our trip was delayed a bit for her appointment and while we waited for her medications. (The doctor did say she was free to go swimming.) While JL got better throughout our trip, JA got sick. She first got the ear infection, and the day we headed home, got the pink eye, too.

Another funny story is how we set off the smoke alarm while making dinner. I deglazed a pan with broth, and the steam that rose up set off the alarm. The front desk called to see if we were okay, and while Papi talked to them and followed their instructions (turn on stove vent, open all windows) I debated evacuating the kids and checked to see if the alarm was going off in the hallway. I didn't know at first that the steam caused the alarm to go off because it wasn't an immediate reaction. The alarm was only going off in our little apartment, and no one was evacuating. After a few minutes the alarm stopped and all was well.

The first day we went to both nearby water parks (less than a 10 minute walk, indoors the whole time) in the morning and again in the evening, with lunch, naps, and dinner in between. During nap time, JT and Papi played Bingo in the lobby, and JT won a gift card for the arcade, which he shared with the family. One water park has a wave pool and a young child area. The other has water slides, a lazy river, a small young child area, and a hot tub.

All children under 48"were required to wear a life jacket at all times. JT chose to wear one in the wave pool, but not in the shallow areas, since he is right at 48". :)

The second day, we went to the 3rd water park, which we could access via a free shuttle service. It was about a 10 minute drive. We made sure to bring a change of clothes, because the temperature was about 20, and that's a bit cold for being outside after swimming. Even so, it was after this that JA's ears began to hurt. :(

After swimming, waiting for the shuttle to bring us back.

Papi took JT and JMC out walking each afternoon, waiting for JL to fall alseep. If she's still awake, she doesn't let JMC take a nap. They were so worn out after a couple hours' of swimming each morning, that they both napped each day we were there (JA and Mami took naps, too!)

We didn't play this game, but were impressed with the size of it. We did see another family play it several times, and they never won.

The evening that JA was sick, JT and I went swimming on our own, and Papi stayed back with JA, JMC, & JL watching a movie.  JT took me on a double tube water slide, and I introduced him to the hot tub. After I rested for a bit, we went on the water slide again, and then back to the hot tub. Before we knew it, we'd been there at the park for an hour! 

The last morning, the kids decided to use their leftover Christmas money to buy souvenirs and play some more at the arcade. It was cute watching them each pick out a souvenir.

This is a video game that involves shooting giant spiders. 

JA made quite a few baskets!

Baby-wearing at it's finest. :)

Car is loaded up, we're all checked out, and ready to drive home after a quick stop at a local restaurant.

We didn't go here, but it was right next to where we stayed, and made us think of one of our nieces. 

We did stop here before leaving the Dell's. Everything here is plant-based (vegan), so we enjoyed key lime and chocolate espresso "cheese" cakes, and Papi had a banana split. We also had hummus, and milk steamers. Everything was delicious, and the people were very friendly. This is the only time we ate out while in Wisconsin, and it was definitely worth it.

JA turns 12!

At breakfast, she reminded me that in a year she'll be 13, and only 2 years later she'll be 15!

This year, JA had a complete menu planned for the day, and it wasn't until the night before that she had any ideas of activities, her thoughts had been centered on the yummy food she wanted. :) So, we had birthday pancakes, atole de elote, Red Robin for lunch, shrimp scampi for dinner, and pumpkin pie for dessert. For fun, we went to a local nature preserve, and Grandma, JA, and I went for pedicures. All in all, a great day!

Viola

This fall, JT began learning to play the viola through the String Project at our local university. For 10 weeks, he met each week with the whole orchestra (all beginners in 3rd or 4th grades) and also in a small group of just viola students. The classes are led by a university professor and university students studied to become music teachers. Last night, they had their first concert. Here are a few of their songs:

Swim Team

(Originally written September, 2016. Update below.)
This summer, the boys participated in swim team for the first time. JMC was invited to join the team by his swimming teacher, and JT asked to join the team with his brother. At the beginning of the summer, they had each had 2 semesters of lessons, and though comfortable in the water, neither one could actually swim.

By the end of the first week, JT could swim the backstroke an entire length of the pool (25 yards)! It took JMC several more weeks, and he still prefers lessons and practices (when his teacher is in the water with him) to meets when he is on his own. By the end of the season (after about 6 weeks) JT could swim freestyle, backstroke, and breast stroke; JMC could swim freestyle about 15 yards.

Swim lessons begin up again this week, and I'm excited to see how much they'll continue to improve. JA takes swim lessons, too, and we hope that she'll be able to join the swim team next summer as well.

Update: JA, JT, & JMC all participated in swim lessons this fall, and the most improved was JA! She is now excited to try swim team next summer. Lessons begin again in February, and I'm sure they will all continue to improve. :)